Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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