My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
