Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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