mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
