party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
