True but thats because hes a fetus.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
