i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
