You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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