"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
