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At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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