Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
