His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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