home. puking in laundry basket.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
