thus making me awesome and them whores
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
