I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
