Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
