We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
