girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
