If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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