Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
