Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
