and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
