So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
