And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
