I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
