It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
