Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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