and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
