So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think my tv is drunk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
