Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
