she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
