billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
