she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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