Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
