I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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