mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
