Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
