"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
