it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
