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Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
soo... how was my night?
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