Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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