He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
