my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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