Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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