she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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