So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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