I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
