i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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