Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
