You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
