mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
