false alarm. still invincible.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
